“I know you can believe in me, I want you to believe in me, you’ve done it before and I know you can do it again.”
“I don’t know if I want to believe in you.”
This past month has been an enigma and that sentence was the key to make it all make sense.
I don’t want to encouragement from someone that doesn’t believe in me. I need for someone to put faith in me. I have made strides and excelled in so much, I have walked paths of molten lava and burned my legs, yet here I stand bloodied and bruised. I love myself and I am a fool for allowing myself to be someone’s afterthought.
It makes sense why these little issues were not being resolved, why the marked improvement didn’t matter, why I felt I was talking to someone who wasn’t there. She wasn’t there. I was talking to a ghost, a projection and the meat of the person was lost in another planet. I was alone before we even started talking. I had been abandoned before she even knew she’d done it. I’ve never felt abandoned by a person staring me in the face before.
Wait here, be my plan b, suffer in silence, while I explore other options and decide if I even want you in my life.
Shingo Nakamura – There For Me
She is not my best friend. She does not love me, she does not believe in me, She is a caricature in my head. She is someone I don’t know. She is an aberration I’ve created to soothe my insecurities.
I am real, I am my best friend, I believe in me, I will make it through this.
I love you Albert. Forever.
Crunchy Kodamas 