Nonviolent communication isvery similar to nonatchment, the longer you use it, the easier and more frequently you use it, and like a ladder, the more you climb down, the less you need to hold on to the unhealthy aspects because falling is not that serious.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
The ingredients for true love
Having a passion to continue the relationship, despite difficulties.
Being able to forgive them.
Being able to trust in the goodness inside of them.
Not being frightened by what they can do to you.
Feel like you are seen for who you are, understood and accepted for it.
Knowing that the relationship is more important than winning.
?Craving intimacy with that person?
A life without TG
A life without TG is strange. It passes the border beyond bizarre. To go from one moment of enjoying the idea of growing old with someone, to know everytime you look to your right, she has your back. To think of the mesmerizing scent of her hair as she falls asleep next to you would be an experience you could treasure everyday. Then to think of it all as gone, a mirage that you hung your own identity on, as it flinches while the noose gently swings back and forth.
I love you more than anyone else in my life. If I didn’t give this everything I had, even how painful it is, it would be a dishonor to myself, a disrespect to our times together and an insult to you.
—
She has given me everything inside of her, but not with out the struggle, resentment and naivety that has hurt us. The actions that cause a resounding sense of doom to be like a vapor following where we go.
It feels like we might have been right for each other at one point, but that time has passed.
—
Since this thing has begun, my brain has started the lockout process, removing TG from my internal and trusted circles. It’s a slow process but it’s steady and if interrupted it will eventually kick her out of my psyche. I don’t believe it has been interrupted in any truly meaningful way. My ultimatum was an effort to stop it from occurring, which has not worked, and her efforts has not prevented the process from continuing.
—
We are eternally connected in some mystical way. I can feel your thoughts, even half a world away.
A letter to existence
I’m so sad this situation isn’t working. I wish I could find some way, any way to make this workout. I can sense a tremendous amount of passion and long suffering coming from you but there is something, in me, that desperately is turning away from your offer of love. I am deeply connected to my own sense of loss and failure in this situation and do not want to turn this into anger or resentment, so I am being as honest as I can.
I feel a deeply saddening awareness of how alone I am in this relationship.
You will never stop this behavior, and I will associate the universe negatively with you and to try to use sentimentality of the past to keep us together is to use a lazy form of intimacy to glue incompatible puzzle pieces together.
I drift throughout this maze of corridors, never knowing which direction is which. I am trying to find the meaning to these movements, all I feel is a discouraging sense of sameness.
The pain I’ve felt from you is so deeply exhausting, I don’t know how my bones don’t disintegrate. Longing for my millionth wind, wearing a pride that would make Nero cross, I fail to see the point in any of this.
End of TG? / My Needs / Her message to me (respect & honor)
I feel a deeply saddening awareness of how alone I am in this relationship.
You will never stop this behavior, and I will associate the universe negatively with you.
and to try to use sentimentality of the past to keep us together is to use a lazy form of intimacy to glue incompatible puzzle pieces together.
—
I’m so sad this situation isn’t working. I wish I could find some way, any way to make this workout. I can sense a tremendous amount of passion and long suffering coming from you but there is something, in me, that desperately is turning away from your offer of love. I am deeply connected to my own sense of loss and failure in this situation and do not want to turn this into anger or resentment, so I am being as honest as I can.
It is with the heaviest of hearts that I think we should consider breaking up.
—
It is an ultimatum, I said it was back then
I said I hate making ultimatums, in the sense that it’s a decision
Well, that is why I feel controlled
It’s not a demant, I’m not demanding you keep away from him and stay with me
Well, don’t worry, you won’t be controlled anymore
I feel like I don’t have room to make my own decision. The decision is already made.
I don’t think you want to throw this away (maybe right now you do, but not overall)
Or at least not in this manner
Throw away someone that feels controlled by me?
Isn’t that saving them?
Someone that I don’t communicate with, someoene that doesn’t have my world view
I love you and I’m trying to figure out how to either make this work or help us be healthiest after
SOmeone that clearly does not want the same thing I wants, someone that continues to hurt me
I have a need for predictability, a need for security, to have faith put in me (to be depended on).
I need concise, kind communication. I need concrete attainable goals to ensure I can meet needs of people I care about.
I need to know when I am attaining or failing a goal without feeling guilty.
I need to believe that someone believes in me.
I need an emotional sponsor, to comfort me when I’m feeling doubt.
I need to feel that “I’m here for you no matter what” feeling.
Andrew: “if you need someone to have faith put in you, you need to equally be comfortable putting faith in others
then you can have a clearer view of how challenging that ask is”
I’m very very terrified of losing you. I currently am thinking we might be healthier apart. Not sure ill be able to follow through with that and my mind could easily swing back and forth over the next three weeks. I don’t want to bias you in any way but I want to be honest about where I am at right now.
I think I too have mingled my identity a bit to much with this relationship.
Thinking about this feels very painful
I will try my hardest over the next three weeks to clarify my needs and honor our relationship by deeply contemplating what is best for the both of us.
A.B.E. / Security-Bankrupt
Always be escalating. Climbing mountains as of late has returned my attention that it’s a better and possibly less-injurious journey to make lots of small steps up a mountain, rather than reaching for larger steps. It feels less clumsy albeit, more monotonous – which I’m wholly unsure of that word describing what I actually feel. It’s a bit inchoate atm, but the sentiment of me using big steps in life and climbing definitely resonates as something I have always done. Perhaps, that should change.
He who searches for security above all costs will find himself bankrupt.
I’m like magic, if you believe in me then I will be real.
Risk is the cornerstone to growth
The most difficult intimacy to achieve is to let yourself be free, face to face. If you can accept who you are, you will be able to share that intimacy. It is an insane amount of bravery and vulnerability that you let yourself be.
NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TO OTHER (POSSIBLE) RELATIONSHIPS!!
Why I talk to so few people about my relationship
They invariably end up with this pedagogy attitude toward me. As if I’m their student and they’ve saved my life by listening to me complaining about my SO. It sickens me a bit and makes me want to fall back into isolation. To dig those aspects of myself deeper into a hole and guard it from anyone ever venturing near it.
When incompatibilities are too much
Lots of people also fall in love with others that have the “same world view” but my experience is that is secondary to the actual actions of each person in the relationship. Trust actions not words.
I always think of it as a base of compatibility, if there’s excellent trust and excellent communication, then compatibility can be worked on as long as there’s some base compatibility. If there’s no compatibility, then it’s going to be a work in futility.
Incompatibilities with beliefs and actions around: Money, Goals,Sex, Relaxation, Goal Setting & Encouragement.
https://www.bustle.com/articles/158637-9-signs-youre-just-not-compatible
“Having everything in common is too much of a good thing,” Kimia Mansoor, Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify tells Bustle. “Many people think that having shared interests means you’ve found your soulmate. Some dating apps even use mutually liked pages as a way of connecting people. When you have everything in common with your partner, you’ll find yourself without any time apart and without anything to contribute to one another’s lives. A balance of common and separate interests is ideal, as having some separateness from your partner is essential to building a long-lasting bond.” It’s all about balance.
Crunchy Kodamas 